Beyond 'Happily Ever After': Navigating The Realities of Marriage.

You did it! You tied the knot, exchanged vows, and celebrated with family and friends. The wedding may be over, but the journey is just beginning. It's time to take a deep breath and dive headfirst into married life.

It's common for couples to experience a honeymoon phase at the beginning of their marriage, where everything seems perfect and blissful. But soon after, they might realize that their expectations of what marriage is like, do not always match with reality.

In this context, we'll discuss some of the challenges and realities of married life that may surprise you, and offer tips for how to navigate them.

• JUST THE BOTH OF YOU

Marriage is an exciting journey and weddings can be very much exciting too. A lot of couples look forward to their weddings and how it will go and all the other exciting stuff that comes with weddings. Most times, the journey of Marriage can be swept under the excitement of the wedding ceremony. However, every couple needs to bear in mind that after the ceremony, comes the realities of Marriage. For me, the first reality that dawned on me after my wedding was the realization that it was just my husband and I now. Just us!

After the cutting of the cake, we danced and danced and it seemed like we won't be leaving the reception soon because of the excitement but guests will have to go back to their homes. We finished the party and we returned back to the hotel where we lodged. My Chief bridesmaid and the best man accompanied us. They stayed for a while and they left. As soon as they left, I looked at my husband and he looked back at me and it was just us. Then, it dawned on me that it's just us now. He is the one I'm stuck with for the rest of my life. For the rest of the month, I just couldn't believe that I was married as I kept telling myself, 'So I am married.'

• SHARING EVERYTHING

This is one reality that you will live with for the rest of your life. So, if you are the type that doesn't like sharing, then be prepared. Marriage automatically will make you learn how to share. In fact, you start sharing from the first day. The bed is the first thing that you both will definitely share. Although, with time, you will observe that there is the 'husband's side' of the bed and the wife's side of the bed. This is normal. For me, I have always loved sleeping close to the edge of the bed and by default, I am used to it. From the bed, you will start sharing the same toilet, the same toothpaste, etc. When you are sharing the same toilet, there might need to be some form of patience to be exercised because there will be times when your spouse will forget to flush the toilet and you see it. All you just do is to flush it. This can be annoying sometimes and trust me, it's little things like this that cause issues.

Before I got married, I used to press the toothpaste anywhere on the tube. No one used to scold me or instruct me. But as soon as I get married, after using the toothpaste, my hubby will start complaining that I am supposed to press it from the bottom and not from the top. To me, I did not see a big deal in how I press a toothpaste but my husband saw a big deal in it because we were both using it. With time, I adjusted to it. Now, I am used to pressing the toothpaste from the bottom and we have peace. There are other things my husband and I do together. We eat together so even when we are angry with each other, we must eat together. There are times we use each other's cream, perfumes, or soaps especially if mine or his is finished. This sharing has helped us build intimacy.

• BUDGETING FOR TWO

Marriage comes with responsibility and the responsibility starts as soon as you are married. In singlehood, it's easier to just get whatever you want to eat and sort yourself out. If you decide to go hungry by yourself, you won't be bothered but as soon as you are two, both spouses will be saddled with the responsibility of putting the other person in mind when buying anything or cooking anything. You as the wife, you can't decide to cook and not cook for your husband. Your husband too can not decide to buy anything for herself and not think about the man. Budgeting for two in marriage is both ways because you both are finally one.

• BABY EXPECTATIONS

This is one experience I had to deal with when I got married to my husband. Barely three weeks after our wedding, my mother was already calling to ask if I had seen my period. It was very constant and it became very annoying. I remember I felt sick at about the same time and the prevalent question was 'Are you pregnant?' It dawned on me that people around, friends and family members don't want to know about the plans you have with your spouse as regards childbirth. They don't even want to know if you both are ready for it or not. All they just know is that as long as you are married, pregnancy should come the next day. Fortunately for me, I got pregnant quite early but my tummy did not give me away. As a result, many people didn't know I was pregnant. I was in my third trimester when an elderly woman was still asking why I hadn't taken in and she was encouraging me. I played along and I enjoyed the advice. I started imagining the kind of pressure I would have been under if I had not yet been pregnant at the time. Truly, no one should put you under pressure for conception but just know that family and friends will definitely inquire about it.

• IN-LAWS RELATIONSHIP

This is one of the interesting parts of marriage. I believe in the fact that if a man marries you, it's not his family that marries you. It's your husband. As important as it is to know this, you can't remove the relationship with in-laws in your Marriage. Your husband came from a family and so do you and these people will want to still be part of your lives even when you are married. So what happens when you don't like them? Well, Marriage prepares you for a lot of things or situations to adapt to, change, and also be tolerant. After the wedding ceremony, you will definitely have your in-laws come around. They are part of you and you are part of them. This is the reality. If you have peaceful in-laws, you have that to live with and if you have trouble making in-laws, you have to deal with it with wisdom.

• YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WILL CHANGE!

Marriage is a state where you experience many changes, one of which will affect your circle of friends. Life is in stages; and in this state, you will have a new circle of friends, mostly married because there is a common interest. Sometimes, your old friends might not be in your life anymore when you get married but those that are meant to stay will stay.

For me, this change was one change I had to deal with emotionally. I used to have a circle of friends. We had been together since undergraduate, and they all shared at my wedding party. They were all present except for one who couldn't make it to my wedding. After my wedding, I just didn't hear from the other friend who was not present at the wedding. I tried my best to reach her for months but she was unreachable to date. It got to me and I felt very bad after I found out that she deliberately blocked me. To date, I tried to think of the possible cause for this action but nothing to think of. Not long after, my other friends disappeared without any trace to reach them till date. Whenever I think about them, I used to feel very sad because I missed them and the moments we all shared together at school but now, I have realized and come to terms with change. Change is constant and now, I have new circles of friends and it's been beautiful with these new circles. This is one of the realities that come with getting married. When you get married, embrace the change.

• MANAGING FINANCES

Before getting married, you can decide to spend your money however you want, but as soon as you get married, you have become committed to someone and so does your money. Both spouses will learn to plan their finances together. In this aspect of Marriage, financial sacrifices will have to be made. You don't have to be all-possessive. Both of you will need to make contributions towards the home upkeep. If the man has 50%, the woman can support with the other 50%. On other occasions when the man has 30% the woman can bring in the 70%. There are times when funds can come from only one of you especially if the other doesn't have. The point is you both should be able to come through for each other.

• MAKING SACRIFICES

Another reality of marriage is that it requires sacrifices in different ways. Be ready to make sacrifices for your spouse. Sacrifices that will leave your spouse happy and also make them know that you truly love them. These are the kind of sacrifices you will make. These sacrifices range from taking excuses from work to be with your spouse when he or she feels sick, to going to the kitchen as the man to help out and cook. Handling the kids for your wife is one such sacrifice especially when it costs you something. Me, my husband made such a sacrifice for me especially when I would need to be at work and no one to handle the baby. Most times, he would forfeit his engagements for that day and be with our son. He would carry him along if he had no choice. This was one big sacrifice I did not take for granted. We both made sacrifices for each other and we are still making sacrifices and this has strengthened our bond so far. If you want to get into marriage, be ready to make a lot of sacrifices.

• CELEBRATIONS OF MILESTONES

As soon as you get married, it's just a matter of time, before you start celebrating anniversaries, additions of a new family, and birthdays. In a year, there must be something to celebrate that brings the family together. For me, I always look forward to our yearly wedding anniversaries. It's always a time when my husband and I look forward to it. Since the birth of our children, their birthday anniversaries are what we always look forward to celebrating and it's such a great time that brings the family together.

• RESOLVING CONFLICTS

No matter how lovey-dovey you get with your spouse, there's a point in marriage when there will be conflicts or disagreements. This is a reality in marriage because you both had differences before marriage. Something must cause a conflict. You may find yourself struggling to navigate these tough moments with your spouse, and that's okay. The key is to learn how to manage conflict in a way that works for both of you. This could mean finding a calm space to talk through issues, setting aside time for weekly check-ins, or seeking professional help. However, couples need to learn to open up their feelings to each other. Communication is very important. Communication with honesty and kindness can help to reach a resolution.

Finally, building a successful marriage requires patience, understanding, and a lot of hard work. The realities of marriage are not always easy, but with love and commitment, the couple will be able to overcome any obstacles that come their way and build a strong, loving, and long-lasting marriage.

Are you married? what are the realities you have faced or currently facing in marriage. Drop your response in the comment section below.